The Mountain as a Teacher

Rental car loaded,  all of us ready to hit the road by 6:00 am, and we were off to Telluride.  A destination I had dreamed of visiting for quite some time. Once we arrived, the beauty around me far exceeded my expectations and I had only seen the surface of what was to come the following day.  I knew that this would be a very special trip to share quality time with the family but I also knew there was going to be even more about this trip that would make it memorable.

We boarded the chair lift the following morning that would carry us to the lofty peek high in the sky.  A brief overview of the map told us that there was one run that looked like it would be manageable, without landing any of us in one of those dreadful ski patrol baskets.  With a name as inviting as See Forever, I didn't see how we could pass it up.  As soon as we were released from the lift, I was overcome with an immediate visceral reaction to my surroundings.  In each direction that I looked, the endless beauty was more spectacular than the previous glance.  There were no words to describe what I was absorbing.  Off to the right, the tiny dots of men and women, far braver or perhaps somewhat crazier than I, were trekking by foot up to an even higher summit, where they were then clipping on their skies to perform terrain that I could not even imagine attempting.  They were floating through an untouched snow bowl that looked as if it might swallow a human attempting to cross through it. How were they managing that? Then I spotted a person in a cocoon type bag attached to wings literally soaring through the sky.  I was without words and quite honestly blown away.  I had never seen such pure beauty.  I felt so free, so calm, so at peace, and so grateful to be witnessing this creation of nature.   I could not really put to words why I needed to be up at this peak so often during our trip but I knew that I was being deeply touched and changed during my time alone in nature high in the sky. I knew that I would return home to write about my time with this mountain though not entirely sure what the words would be sharing.
It hit me while on one of my runs down See Forever.  My legs ached to the point that I questioned if they would carry me down this mountain safely. I knew that I was overdoing it and that the sensible thing to do was to call it a day and retreat to my cozy bed of the hotel room.  Sensible perhaps but I also knew that I felt called to stay out and just experience this  mountain to the fullest.  I knew there was a lesson that I was meant to learn and that the answers were somewhere up on this majestic peek. I have come to know my body very intimately over the years, living with a physical condition that can at times be very challenging.  I knew there would be a price to pay for indulging in this rigorous activity but I also was mindful that I had a choice in the matter. This is a sport that I have loved since childhood and as long as my legs would allow me to continue it, I was going to go for it each and every chance that I had.  I also knew that it would just entail listening to my body and allowing it the proper chance to recover once we returned home.  I felt grateful to have realized that I have arrived at the point in my life when I can listen to my body and make sensible choices but also let myself indulge from time to time returning back to the sensible business of taking care of myself. I felt happy in the realization that I have come to understand my relationship with MS and we have our own certain song and dance together that allows me to enjoy my life, while also taking care of myself.
The more my legs began to burn and shake, the more closely I felt connected to the mountain and what it was trying to tell me. Suddenly it began to become clear to me why I was so drawn to this spot on the mountain and this particular run where I could truly see forever.
From the views that this spot allowed me, I was struck at how this mountain just sits, constantly changing,  yet always being itself.  On this particular day the mountain was wrapped in a blanket of sunshine with nearly no winds assaulting it.  The forecast told us that before long this solid mass would be enshrouded in clouds buffeted by wind and snow.  In a few short months, spring will come and the snow will melt away allowing the streams below to fill with water, while flowers bloom in the meadows. In summer there will be no snow on the mountain except perhaps for the peaks.  Birds will sing again. In the fall the mountain will take on a new face of beauty as the leaves turn a myriad of brilliant colors and an autumn crispness will fill the air.  Through all of the changes this mountain sits through it remains centered, rooted, and unwavering.  Whether in the light of day or the darkness of the moon, the mountain just sits experiencing each moment exactly as it is.  It is always itself no matter what the changes around it are.  As the weather changes moment by moment, day by day, it remains there in its stillness unchanged.  No matter the season, the presence of visitors or not, it just sits unmoved.  It dawned on me, as I pushed myself down for yet one more run, that if we can learn to experience the mountain, we too can become rooted, still and grounded in our lives.  No matter what the challenges of our lives, whether we are in our own personal lightness or darkness, experiencing moments of pain or joy, we can become like the mountain and use these experiences to strengthen us. Like the mountain, we might come to know a deeper silence, stillness and wisdom in our lives.  This is what this mountain had to teach me.

When We Follow Our Hearts, We Will Always Find Our Way

Living a life of Mindfulness has allowed me to discover more of who I am at my core, to come to  better understand my purpose in life, and to recognize opportunities when they present themselves in my life.  Living Mindfully with intention and awareness and practicing meditation daily have been great teachers to me over the years.
As I have shared in previous blogs, my interest in mindfulness began years ago, when a diagnosis of MS left me searching for ways to reduce the stress in my life.  I did not realize it then but it was the beginning of what would prove to be a life altering journey that would not only help me with my own personal healing but would eventually lead me to sharing the lessons learned along the way with others.
When that first MS episode robbed me of the vision in my right eye, I remember knowing deep in my heart that I was loosing my vision so that I could SEE something that I was meant to see.  Though I was uncertain what it was at the time, I knew that there was a purpose greater than myself at play.  In fact, the word MySelf kept coming back to me as is if were a comforting blanket. MySelf. I began to see this condition that doctors labeled Multiple Sclerosis, as representing MySelf. The MS began to symbolize what it was that I was meant to learn and see through living with this condition.
Little did I know that it would take years before I would begin to gain the clarity I was looking for.
Over the years, I sought out to learn as much as I could from as many different teachers as I could find.
I attended Jon Kabat Zinn's eight week Mindfulness Stress Reduction Program and later worked as an assistant teaching the program to others, began a daily meditation practice, worked with a couple of gifted counselors, attended morning prayer groups and weekly church services, was a part of a hands on healing group, practiced yoga and researched various exercise programs that were helpful to those living with MS.  I studied the benefits of essential oils, nutrition, and positive thinking.   I experimented with acupuncture, massage therapy, and got my level I Reiki certification.  I continued being an avid journal keeper and read books on a vast array of topics, mostly having to do with healing.  I attended weekend retreats on Mindfulness and various healing modalities across the country.  I prayed often and trusted that God had a plan in all of this for me.  I was a living sponge absorbing all that I could from anyone I felt drawn to.
 Throughout this time, my own meditation practice continued and my belief in the power of Mindfulness continued to grow. I was living the benefits and was feeling an ever growing desire to share with others what I was benefiting from.  An article in the New York Times led me to the Institute of Life Coach Training, where I graduated from a program as a certified Life Coach specializing in women's wellness.  I knew that I was moving in the right direction but still had a nagging sense that there were things I was not yet seeing clearly.
A move across country with my family landed me in Arizona.  At the time, I remember questioning why life was leading me to the desert but comforted with an all knowing sense that I was meant to be making this move for reasons that I could not see at the time.
During this time in my life, I was still practicing my daily meditation and studying different things of interest while I was adjusting to living across the country from a town where I had lived for over forty years.  I began running and surprised myself when I completed my first and only half marathon.  I spent time studying the bible with a group of women learning a great deal about my own personal faith.  I became an avid follower of Dr. Terry Wahls.  Many in the MS community know her well.  She is a neurologist with progressive MS, which had left her confined to a wheel chair unable to do most everything she had once enjoyed.  When all medications were proving ineffective for her, she began her own research studying the connection between nutrition and MS.   Implementing the research she was conducting, she was soon out of her wheelchair hiking mountains.  The more that I followed her work, the more committed I became to incorporating her protocol into my life.  While not easy to adapt to this rather restrictive diet, I believe the results have been indisputable.  That will be a separate blog entry all of its own.
Late this summer, my husband came across A Mindfulness Life Center while out one day.  I was back east at the time and still remember his call to tell me about this center.  " I found the perfect spot for you", I heard him excitedly telling me over the phone.  My dear husband could not have been more right. From the moment I set foot in the center, I knew that I was meant to be there.  I quickly enrolled in the unlimited membership taking full advantage of the many classes, series, and workshops that were offered.  I loved everything about it and still the sponge I had become all of those years past, I just kept soaking up all that it had to offer.  It was not long before I began thinking seriously about wishing that I worked there.  I kept thinking about how much I would love to be a part of this center in an even greater capacity.
A few months after I began spending much of my free time at the Mindfulness Center, I had another MS episode of optic neuritis.  While I was grateful that this episode was not nearly as severe as the first one years back, it did leave me in a rather blurry state for a period of time.  I can't say that I am surprised that it was during this time of blurriness that I began to see with a greater clarity the wonderful opportunity that might possibly happen for me, if I believed in myself and worked to make it happen.  So I tackled my own self doubt issues that were getting in my way, and went about asking the center for a job.  As fate would have it, they were looking for someone and I was blessed to be the person who they hired for the job.  The pivotal moment for me, in the whole process, was when the executive director said to me, " I believe in you.  Now we just have to get you to believe in yourself."
How right she was! After the very first meditation class that I led, I had what I like to call a major "AH HA" moment.  So many years practicing, studying under great teachers, seeking and learning as the student and there I was on the other side of the cushion guiding others through a meditation.  It was almost surreal for me.  In that moment of guiding this group of men and women through this 45 minute class, it was as if I could at last SEE what it was that I was meant to see all of those years back.  In those 45 minutes, I was exactly where I was meant to be.  After the meditation ended, I asked if anyone had questions or comments they wished to share.  In listening to these people open their hearts up to me,  I was caught by surprise at how deeply touched I was as I listened to them share of their experiences.  After so many years of wanting to share what was in my heart with others, it was in their sharing with me that the real magic was found.  The walk back to my office was one I will not forget because each step that I took, in the quiet stillness that surrounded me, I felt overcome with a tremendous sense of accomplishment and gratitude.  To some it might not have looked like much but to me it was huge.  It was symbolic of something far greater than guiding a meditation class.  For me, this opportunity to connect with these people on this deep and personal level, through sharing something that I have been practicing for such long time on my own, was such a gift.  In that moment, a lump filled my throat as I could feel that I was at long last truly seeing what it was I could feel tugging at me all of those years ago. I was seeing who I had become over these years and I smiled at my own reflection.  I knew in that moment, as I got back to my desk, that this is just the beginning of this next chapter in my life and I am indeed exactly where I am meant to be.